A Meta Requiem
Wow I just reached over 1000 friends for the first time on Facebook.
The dopamine spike when I accepted that 1000th friend was almost orgasmic. Digitally orgasmic, but without any digits involved.
A ‘Metagasm?’
Oh yeah baby.
It was really hard work actually getting to 1000. Particularly because I actually hate each and every one of you. But I just took it day by day, one friend at a time, celebrating the small wins with my eyes set on the long game.
So I’d just like to take a moment to thank god and Mark Zuckerberg (seperate entities just to be clear). I actually remember many years ago now the first email I received from a friend (thanks Paddy you bastard) inviting me to this thing called Facebook. I think I was on Myspace at the time (yeah remember that). I thought to myself “Facebook…what the hell is this? Pffft…this won’t amount to anything….I’m not joining”.
Imagine what it will feel like when I hit 4000. Well we all gotta have dreams right? I like to shoot for the stars. Perhaps when it happens I will actually descend into the Metaverse and merge with AI consciousness. If anyone has gotten to 10000 let us know what happens. I suspect Illuminati induction or a 3 way with Zuck and Elon in the Metaverse (perhaps they are one and the same thing?).
Considering I actually very rarely make any friend requests and also don’t accept them willingly (unless we’ve met and connected or we have a lot in common) I’m even prouder of my achievement. Kind of like I won a marathon hopping on one leg, or ordered a taco in Mexico with a blindfold on, a mouthful of marbles and no knowledge of Spanish.
Anyway, I look forward to your many posts, replies, likes, congratulations and adorations.
C’mon guys please I really need another dopamine spike I’ve run out of coffee and my phone is about to die.
Your forever digitally
MetaJai
P.S What I actually really need is for you to follow me and get me to 100 followers on Medium. This will ultimately be more satisfying as it’s related to doing what I actually like doing (writing bitterly sarcastic content) in a semi-professional way (I’m wearing a shirt but no pants) and sharing it with the world.
